Yea! I am feeling back to normal.
For the last week and a half I was feeling really depressed. I don't know if it was the let down after my uncle's funeral, PMS and TOM or what? But... I was really starting to get worried I wasn't ever going to feel "normal" again. Whatever the heck that's supposed to feel like.
On Monday, I went to work and was still feeling blah and didn't really want to go to my golf lesson. I am so glad I did! I went to my lesson and that seems to be what started snapping me out of my blah's. I am really enjoying my lessons, although the instructor acts like we are pro's, and I certainly feel far from it. He gives me too much information and not enough time to practice. I was trying to reflect on my teaching and see if that is the way I teach. Sometimes I feel I've watered it down to where I should be giving more information. I am teaching 5th grade this year, after teaching 6 years in 1st and 2nd and only 1 previous year teaching 4th. It's a hard school and even harder for me to adjust to the curriculum. I enjoy my students, but I am not sure my strengths are in teaching the upper grades. I enjoy the lower grades more. But... I'll give it time. I just feel like a first year teacher again.
I've been reflecting a lot lately on my personality also. I am trying to just better myself and be more Christlike. People chuckle sometimes when I tell them I am trying to be more Christlike. O.K. is that my first clue that I'm not always the nicest person in the world? Guess so. I've also been trying to pinpoint where my insecurities lie and why? It is painful to start opening old scabs and look in the mirror and know that you'd like to change. I have many characteristics I love about myself... Let's see if I can list them now that I think about it:
LOL!!! My first thougths of course are of my weaknesses and what my parents told me I am NOT:
Patient, Quiet, My son stated, "We are spenders huh mom? Nana and Grumpa are savers huh?" I was laughing so hard! Yep, that is true.
Ok back to the positives:
Hard working, Assertive, Willing to take risks, Resilient, Helpful, Ok... that's enough for now.
But, I would like to start small and start working on being more Christlike. So, to begin with I would like to just be thought of more as a nice person. I hope that when people say my name they think "She's a nice person." There are definitely other qualities that I would like to enhance, but I think that's a start.
Some nice things I did today: I helped many students. I was patient with a co-worker when they were making negative comments. I took extra time to go say "hello" to a friend. I was pretty calm when my daughter had her cell phone off and came home late from school.
Weekly Goal: To be a little nicer and smile a little more.
1 comment:
I think it's awesome that you want to be more "Christlike" - it's truly what we should all try to achieve. Your assessment of your good qualities is great, but I think that you're being too hard on yourself in looking at what you lack - you are one of the nicest, kindest people I have come across, and it's obvious from your job as a teacher, the way you talk about it, and the way you talk about and treat others that you are such a caring and generous person. Nobody is "nice" all the time - it is not possible and it is not real. If you are, it means you are being fake and not true to yourself or to God. So keep on striving to be Christlike, and know that you have friends out there who think that you are a great person and are thankful to have you to talk to :)
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